Fifty Shades of JUST TALK TO HER ALREADY
Well, its a sexual and relationship advice question. Ive been into kink as long as I can remember and Bisexual for just as long. Im mostly interested in women but find womens aversions to many kinks often hinder further growth into a sexually satisfying relationship. Be it anal play or intense bondage sessions I find many women just aren’t interested in it. Do you have any advice for a young guy looking for a good partner in crime and a good partner in bed?
Sincerely, Kinkless in Seattle
Every human, regardless of their bashfulness is into “kink”. Being adventurous in our bedroom taste is healthy and positive. Often, aversion to new frontiers in the bedroom occur because an individual is embarrassed or shy about their particular taste.
You cant just walk up to any person and ask to tie them up. Actual heavy duty sex play and discovery come from real communication involving all partners, monogamous relationship or not. It’s not that your average Okcupid date isn’t interested, it’s that no one has spoken to them as an adult concerning matters involving their genitals before.
We all know the drill (excuse the pun). You meet, you order drinks, one of you pays for dinner and the rest is pathetic first and last date awkward sex history. You don’t understand each other and you don’t want to. Or do we? Speaking as a straight woman, I have found that many men don’t even bother asking me what I like or don’t like. I can’t count the amount of times I’m three glasses of wine in and all of a sudden it’s either polite missionary sex or cum in your eye while wearing a leash. There is NO middle. And it’s mainly because no one asks. Sometimes it is TOTALLY healthy to go with the flow and use the devil-may-care plan. Some great marriages (and children) I know of have come from this route. But boundaries, communication, and permission are key.
First off, be comfortable with what YOU enjoy. If you cant literally let your freak flag fly, then its back to the warm up room with you. Once realizing and being confident in what you want and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) respect in someone else, then it’s time to politely hunt for a partner that enjoys what you do or is open to learn and have fun.
I’m all for the Internet trust me. I have makeoutclub.com stories dating from the early aughts that will make you cry and puke at the same time. If you’re into finding your spice on the world wide wow, go for it, but chances are you dont need my help. In the real world perusal of flesh, every gender needs to realize it’s not a game. Every human has a history and a taste. Every sentient being on the meat market realizes anything can be up for grabs. But if you want a fruitful, meaningful, and satisfying interaction you need to TALK before anything else.
Here is a game for the millenial crowd. Turn off your phone. Put on deodorant. Look someone in the eye and honestly get to know them as a person. Get comfortable with them as an individual. THEN start to discover what they like up their asshole. It is literally that simple.
Hope this helps. If not… I know a few ladies who are ready to play 😉